Well That was Useless

Holy fucking hell. What a goddamn day. The person I had reached out to about the shirt and I were slated to have a couple drinks. I said I would profusely apologize to her and promised to just have a good time together.

She comes over after she gets done with her work. I had cleaned up some of the house, got a couple bottles of wine she would like, and prepared myself to be penitent. I did fuck up by not telling her in advance that I was in an open relationship. All I had said was, “I am” in response to her stating that “all the god leftist guys in this town are polyamorous. That was definitely too subtle and I should have done better and she definitely deserved an earnest, in-person apology.

She took an Uber over to my house because she knew she was going to be drinking. We get the couple bottles of wine down pretty quick, and the conversation was fantastic. I suggest we walk to a little posh neighborhood near my house and see what’s going on down there.

We end up finding a little bar with fancy cocktails and decide to settle down on their patio. There’s a nice, college gentlemen in his mid-30’s sitting on the patio with us. I wind up offering him some pot and then he joins us. We’re having great conversations together at the table. He goes inside to get another drink and she says, “So, you were going to be apologizing to me?” And I begin to just profusely apologize for neglecting to communicate that. I explain to her that it was only a matter of days earlier that my ex primary partner and I had talked about the concept of an open relationship. I continue to explain that I don’t know that polyamory is for me because I don’t like the first of any conversation starting with, “I’m in/expecting an open relationship.” That’s not how I primarily identify, and that would end up being perceived as that if it’s the first damn thing out of my mouth every time. Maybe polyamory isn’t for me?

At any rate, the gentleman returns and the first thing out of her mouth at me is, “I’m so pissed at you.” And I was confused. Why was she pissed? I didn’t lie or misrepresent anything, however this is exactly what she thought. The gentleman was taken back by this and asked what happened. She signals to me to tell him. So I succinctly say, “I was in an open relationship when we went on our first date, I neglected to tell her that I was in the relationship until after the date, only mentioned that I lean towards polyamory, and she feels lied to.” He immediately jumps into excited, gay arbiter mode and wants to mediate this thing between us.

As he’s gathering details, I see that he is beginning to lean towards my side. Once he realized that the person I was in an open relationship with was my ex girlfriend and that I saw it more as just dating multiple people, he was like, “yeah, why are you pissed? I think he overshared to you, not held things back. Did you tell him all your dating history?” She conveniently ignored all his pointed questions asking for equality in the conversation and kept “threatening” to show screenshots. So I pull up my phone and just offer the conversation to be read through. I don’t have shit to hide regarding this, and really just wanted to express contrition to this person I had dated. She wasn’t having it though. As he started picking up on her bullshit and indignancy, he was like, “ok, so there’s no conversation to be had here. This guy should have been more direct, but it was your first date together and he doesn’t owe you his entire fucking life story. Move on, both of you.”

It was incredibly poignant and thoughtful observation that I wholly agreed to. I thanked him and shook his hand. Right then, I can see that her anger had reached a peak and she actually screamed, “misogyny! You guys are gaslighting the fuck out of me!” And I was like… huh? I never said anything that didn’t happen. Our arbiter was wildly offended. I slammed my drink and got up with my glass. I heard them continue arguing from outside, so I just decide to close my tab and get the fuck out of there.

On my way home, I send her a text, let her know that I paid the tab, apologize again, and wish her the best. An hour or so later I get a snarky message, “Just remember you lied.” Cool. I thumbs-upped the message. She’ll never back down from that, no matter what facts are put in front of her. Good fucking riddance. I had to retort, “I didn’t lie. I actually overshared in nearly real-time with you because I thought you were somebody worth dating. My mistake. Genuinely wish you the best in life.”

I was pretty buzzed, pissed, offended, and needed some sort of release with somebody. So I reach out to the Jewish principal and wind up spending a few hours at her house. That was worthwhile and a good use of my time. Fuck people that won’t listen to reason.