Nothing in this blog is intended as medical or lifestyle advice.

At the time of writing this in early spring of 2023, I’m a 39 ½ year old, mostly Caucasian male living in the Pacific Northwest. I have a belly, body aches, high blood pressure, depression, a single parent to two teenagers (with an awesome baby mama I share joint custody with), and a career that demands significant investment of my time sitting on my ass stressing out about software and invoices. I play music in a few bands and spend a little bit of time every year on the road touring.

The world is fucked. Rent is absurdly high, the prospects of buying a house are pretty much nil, and even getting a new car is not in my near future despite working my dick into the dirt.

To put a shit-flavored cherry on top of life, a business I was co owner of for nearly 3 years just went insolvent. Made poor choices of giving away work for free trying to do right by the clients ended up being our demise. This is the fickle, shitty world of software development. Throughout the 3 years, I got divorced from my partner of 10 years, sacrificed 3 other relationships because I prioritized work over them, got myself into debt with a predatory personal loan, smoking at least a pack of American Spirits a day, severe sleep apnea, no health insurance, a tenuous grasp on housing, and now I sit here: a portly man nearing his 40’s, out of shape, back in the dating pool, back in the employment pool, all while swimming in uncertainty with concrete floaties.

That’s a lot of negative bullshit. Not every aspect of my life is a struggle. I am fortunate enough to have a network of fantastic band mates and friends that are loving, supportive, and overall fucking awesome. I’m genuinely fortunate and blessed in this regard. Playing music helps manage my mental health and spending time with my band mates helps to ground me and realize that life isn’t all garbage-filled Trojan horses.

I desperately want to be better in all facets: as a parent, professionally, as a partner (eventually), physically fit, and more mentally stable – not that I’m “crazy, but depression and anxiety are a fucking bitch to wrangle.

Off and on, I get motivated and scour the internet for ways to be better about this and that. There’s a multitude of placating, oversimplified “men’s health and fitness” blogs, apps, personal trainers, you fucking name it. Some have some great info, but there’s a lot of conflicting information. Should I do a keto or paleo diet with high blood pressure? I have a shitty left knee that goes in and out, so what do I do when I can’t do the “mountain climber” exercise? I cannot afford a personal trainer and paid apps that claim to guide you to better fitness offer no fucking altertinatives when my old, shitty body decides to give out.

I’m starting this blog because I’ve finally had it. I’m sick of hating myself both mentally and physically. I’m exhausted all the time because I sleep like shit. This has to change otherwise I’m going to succumb to the same fate as rest of the males in my family: dying in our early 50’s, out of shape, smoking packs of cigarettes a day, and alone.

This isn’t specifically a “men’s empowerment” blog and I largely consider myself a feminist. I might fail spectacularly and die alone like other men in my family. I’m restarting taking some supplements, changing my eating habits, incorporating exercise, setting boundaries with work, trying to date, and be an overall better person.

We are all unique individuals with different metabolisms, preferences, tolerances, and lifestyles. You shouldn’t copy what I’m doing because it might not work for you. I’m going to be experimenting with disparate information culled from the internet and try to make sense of the miasma of bullshit we see, hear, and feel every day.