Lord Leopold Cumtree, My Card

I didn’t wake up until the late afternoon today with the wonderful lady that I went out ion a date with. She came to my show last night and was blown away by the scene. That was pretty cool. We stayed up passively drinking until finally she led me to my room and we began fooling around vey bleary eyed and exhausted at around 6am.

This woman is really great. We have a ton in common including how we handle depression, which actually gives me a lot of pause. But I think I’m going to pursue it.

I attempted to broach the subject of me being in an open relationship, but I’m not sure she quite understood even though I said, “I am in an open relationship” and she didn’t respond in any way I would expect. She kind of trodded along in her own conversation and mentioned that most guys she’s into are poly. So I assumed she was uncomfortable with it or maybe wanted to ignore it for the moment. I don’t read minds, but I have the distinct feeling that she didn’t absorb it, rather acknowledged just a select couple words out of my mouth.

I’ve been eating only shitty food, drinking, and not taking my vitamins or exercising. I intentionally took a couple days off exercise as I finished my 30 day routine. The shows and dates caused me to drink.

There’s been a stronger than ever desire to drink lately which causes an even abnormally strong disgusted reaction in my brain. It’s a really difficult fight. However I may have a happy medium; wine. Just a glass or two here and there. The wine date I went on where I had prior 6 glasses left me not feeling very buzzed nor out of control nor like I was bullshitting for the sake of bullshitting.

When I drink, my charisma goes up significantly. My humor gets darker. My ADD intensifies to an abnormal degree. I can hold my liquor very, very well and not appear drunk until I’m to the point of near deadly BAL. And my desire to entertain goes so high it basically colonizes another planet. Put those all together and I’m a fun person to go on a cocktail date with. That also means that I talk a lot of shit, often starting off in a joking manner or embellishing this or that, then winding up with a complete falsehood; then the ADD kicks in and the subject changes and that falsehood is part of the record and we’ve moved on. This isn’t a great thing, as one could easily assume. It leaves me wrought with guilt as I completely misrepresented myself to the person that was likely entertained and charmed all night.

I mention my drinking persona because that wasn’t there so much with this lady I went on a date with, however I still feel like I didn’t communicate myself clearly and am struggling reconciling blaming alcohol for this or I’m just a paranoid and kind of shitty person.

The cum trees are in bloom, making my walks in the evening have a distinct, familiar, bleach-like scent. It’s both awkward and hilarious and makes me smile every time.