Open ‘er Up!

Well, it’s really official. I’m in an open relationship. And I have a date set up with somebody new on Saturday. That’s pretty neat having a really close partner that is on this journey with me. From now on, my “friendly ex” is now just my primary partner (her and I have yet to formalize this position, but for the sake of reading here, this will be the most straightforward). Her and I have genuine compersion for each other. There’s a fleeting source of jealousy when she mentions other people she has interest in, people she’s talking to on dating apps, and people she goes on dates with. However it only lasts for just a quick second then it’s gone as I remind myself, “I do not own her. I do not want to own her. She is happy. She’s sharing with me. I still feel genuine love from her.” And that’s the bottom line. That’s the really fucking cool thing. I’m truly fortunate in this department and actually excited to give love to somebody as feeling it received freely without expectation is a high unto itself.

I have started talking to a really awesome fitness instructor on one of the dating apps. She’s a radical, progressive liberal with an offensive shirt collection that seems like it could rival mine. We’re meeting up this weekend for some wine and chat I’m a little nervous because Ive made a pact with myself that I’m going to tell anyone I’m dating that I’m in an open relationship while we’re on our first date: that’s assuming that things are going well on the first date and I could see myself going out with them again. If it’s not going anywhere or the person sucks, why bring up a conversation that almost always begs more conversation? A big problem is that I can often commit myself to a lifetime together after a few drinks and witty banter exchange. This is a part of me that I’m going to have to turn off, and it’s probably for the better. That instant, intense feeling of love is motherfucking addicting. Me and my unfriendly ex had 3 months of probably the most intense love and attraction that I’ve ever felt. A sincere longing when away from each other and fucking floating when in each other’s presence. Maybe that’s ok that I don’t just jump cock-first into that every time I’m moderately attracted to somebody. Honestly, my unfriendly ex is objectively attractive, but there’s a lot of things about her that I do not find particularly attractive or aren’t my type. We were just really, really good at sex together and conflated that with undying love. I thought I’d stop falling for that shit in my 20’s but turns out it’s defined almost my entire fucking life and major living decisions.

I am at the end of my weekly vitamin intake and need to replenish my vitamin holder. I’m out of Alpha Lipolic Acid so I’m replacing it with L-Carnatine which apparently helps the body turn food into energy. We’ll see how this goes as the pills look like powdered piss and smell like cheese and vinegar. Hooray for health!